We've Come Too Far to Give Up Now

I know you probably wouldn't guess it, but I played the mic in a local indie rock band once upon a time.

I didn't like the attention but I did like writing and singing with a mission. I had the ability to write lyrics that others would hear. I wrote about a variety of topics such as a friend's struggle with cutting, sibling conflict, and also my own adverse childhood experience with the boy down the street. 

The One of Us: Sex, Violence, Injustice. Resilience, Love, Hope chapter titled "I Have a Secret" goes into depth about a one time "show me yours (or else)" situation. This one experience impacted me more than I ever realized. Not until I read the book Bitter Chocolate: Child Sexual Abuse in India by Pinki Virani in the spring of 2009 did I break down realizing how wrong that situation had been.

"I Have a Secret" was the second hardest chapter to write, only behind the chapter depicting the violent rape in 2010.  It's raw, genuine, relatable, and brings to light issues we don't want to face yet hurt us and our loved ones the most. 

Originally when I was writing after the 2010 assault, I added the below lyrics as a reminder that I had experienced trauma as a child. It was a reminder of how compassionate I had become towards others who had experienced adversity and how I wanted to support and empower others who lived through trauma. 

Read the below and if interested, pre-order your copy through the Publishizer campaign found here. One of Us is a book with a mission that has already impacted the lives of individuals- we want a publisher to help us reach and impact more.

If you or a loved one experienced child sexual abuse and you would like to talk to someone anonymously, check out the hotline on Rainn.org - the people on the other end are trained to give you support, information, or a referral.

“5 years old, already a statistic
White clothe child meets boy with corrupt intentions
I was warned about you
the boy down the street with homemade treats
Alone in the room, the door closed shut
Questions filled my chest.

We played and we laughed, life was going okay
Until the door closed, taking innocence away.

You grabbed my wrist, needed control
Left me bleeding on the floor

I left running, oh running, from the brutality
Hoping to forget such foolish stupidity

Crayons could never speak the nakedness she felt
Drawing side show bodies of shame and doubt,
She would hide in herself for years, could she love a person she fears

We’re taking back, taking back our innocence,
Forgetting, forgetting the shame we once knew,
We’ve come too far to give up now.
”

— The Desperation, 2005

Book Update: We have a first proof!

How exciting is this! Rather than a computer screen, a printed copy in a binder, a first formatted copy printed and folded in half to mimic a book, I can now hold the first proof of One of Us... and it feels so good. 

When I hold this in my hands, I am reminded of the individuals who held me during difficult times. They accepted the fact that I had to remove myself when needed and sat in the pain with me at other times. This book is a reminder of the individuals who supported me when I felt violated by the legal system. A reminder of the individuals who stood by me when a newspaper article was more concerned about selling a story than reporting on a rape case with journalistic integrity. I am reminded of the hatred some individuals decided to show towards me in the comments yet I am also reminded of the individuals who thanked me for sharing or reached out to share their own stories with me.

When I hold One of Us in my hands, I am reminded that this book was never simply about me but rather shedding light on the injustices that many of us have experienced.

When I look at the words, the formatting, the piece of beautiful art this book truly is, I am thankful for the individuals who have volunteered their time and skills to help One of Us come to fruition. I am thankful for friends who read the manuscript and pointed out pieces that needed clarified so that the events and concepts were easier to understand. I am thankful for the graphic designers, copy-editors, media specialists, cartographer, and entrepreneurs who patiently worked with this project.

When I look at One of Us, I am amazed at all of the hard work that has lovingly been put into making this story come to life. 

Writing a book was a learning experience and so has the publishing process. Right now, we are adjusting a few internal formatting items and will then request another proof. We are so very close to making One of Us publicly available on Amazon. I am ecstatic thinking about making a bulk order soon and having a celebratory book launch party! 

Join the mailing list at the bottom of this page and be one of the first to know when you can get your copy!

Leap Forward on February 29th

How I spent my extra 24 hours 2012:

I continued with a second day of testimony against the man who sexually assaulted me. After the defense lawyers were finished, I wearily went back to the prosecutors office to wait for the verdict. We were called back into the court room around 8pm. The man who chose to rape me was looking at a potential 60 years to life in prison and yet the military jury chose to acquit him of the six charges. He did a fist pump after hearing the news and his lawyers patted him on the back. I sat there thinking "that's it?" and how much I had struggled to do my part in keeping him from hurting other woman.

We finished trial on February 29, leap day.  This is the first leap year since then. Check out my blog post in response to the military judicial system and the Associate Press article covering the trial. 

How I spent my extra time this year in 2016:

Discussed equality and social justice in a social work grad school class. I thought about how I now work on a sexual assault risk-reduction and response program for international volunteers. I checked on the status of the copy-edit of my book One of Us. I checked facebook and saw a friend who I had been in student government with during undergrad.  A few weeks ago, I saw him in DC and he said how he uses my blog post from four years ago to teach about social justice in his college class.

I chose to leap forward in life and use the horrific experience to bring about positive social change. It's on us to support victims and survivors because we are so much more than what has happened to us and we can work together for a safer today.

#LeapForward

One of Us Short Video

"I am a mere data point along a data set of others who have been sexually assaulted."

I challenge you to watch the short video. 670-equivalent to the number of civilians who officially reported their sexual assault to the military in 2010.

November 5th is my Day of Resilience. I am thankful for all who supported me while I sought legal justice. I am also grateful for the honest and genuine conversations that have followed. Now is the time to become educated, learn skills, and take action against sexual assault.

Changing the Conversation: Moving Past the Stereotypes of Sexual Violence on College Campuses

Dana Fleitman of JWI and I had real talk session with college age interns.  The group was amazingly attentive and engaged! 

We looked at what sexual assault is, myths around sexual assault, and how we can actively change the conversations.  

With the interns, I shared about how my assault started as a girls night out.  How we were having a good time with new people and didn't recognize the signs of a sexual predator.  How I was completely caught off guard when things escalated from consensual to illegal. The other three didn't know how to respond when I tried telling them the next day.  Because what happened to me didn't fit the stereotype, it was confusing to figure out.  

What stood out the most from this speaking engagement were the conversations afterwards.  These young women identified with the excitement of going out with friends, encouraging friends to get involved with individuals they hardly knew also lacking any accountability.  We had a conversation about ways we can watch out for each other and support each other if someone does experience an assault.  I would much rather be a protective friend in the moment than one who ends up being called to testify in a court of law after an assault.

It's on us to get informed about sexual assault facts, to learn skills like bystander intervention to help prevent assault, and to speak up and change the conversation.